Uncle Elbam

3 Ways To Tell Uncle Elbam’s Coming Over

Isaac BD Opinion

Picture the scene. You’re home alone, minding your own business, when suddenly Uncle Elbam’s at the door and wants to play the Feather Game? Ugh. Emotional labour much?

We’ve all been there, and most of us wish we hadn’t! Elbam’s not likely to stop his unannounced visits any time soon, so here are 3 helpful hints which will give you the jump on Uncle’s mischief.

1. The Birds Stop Their Sweet Singing


Uncle Elbam can’t stand for the happy birds to enjoy themselves with melody, and he’ll be sure to put a stop to their tuneful cries as soon as he pulls up onto the scene. Keep an ear out for the sudden and total absence of birdsong, and you’ll have an extra 8 to 10 seconds’ head-start before Uncle’s powerful arms get to slithering! It can be hard to remember to listen out for the absence of a sound, so practise asking yourself the question “Birds?” as many as 80 times an hour.

2. The Butter Goes Gritty


When it is time for Uncle Elbam to whisper his wicked knowledge into your soft-pink mind, the golden foods will tend to grow dirty and become wrong. On the off-chance that you happen to be making yourself a piece of toast or trying out a new baking project, keep a watchful eye out for the texture of your smooth spreads morphing into creamed sand. Yuck, Uncle! Talk about a tongue scraper!

3. Uncle’s Dark Envoys Begin Their Chants


Uncle Elbam just can’t seem to go anywhere these days without his trusty and fiercely loyal gang of Dark Envoys to herald his arrival. And if there’s one thing those Envoys love to do, it’s to chant of Uncle’s past and future deeds in their forgotten tongue. When the Dark Envoys arrive and encircle your dwelling space with their well-robed bodies and sounds, you can be sure your Trouble Uncle isn’t far behind!